


Blinded

by Redpanda18



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: 0z, Abuse, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Liu Yang Yang-centric, M/M, NCT 00s, Panic Attacks, Protective Hyungs, Triggers, zero line friendship, zero liners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27970679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redpanda18/pseuds/Redpanda18
Summary: Yangyang is ecstatic at the prospect of being able to film with the rest of the zero line. He enjoys hanging out with them and is excited when he hears about an opportunity to appear on a show with them. However, when Yangyang is forced into a mission that brings back past trauma, how will they handle it??
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Liu Yang Yang, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Liu Yang Yang, Huang Ren Jun/Liu Yang Yang, Jung Sungchan/Liu Yang Yang, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Liu Yang Yang, Lee Jeno/Liu Yang Yang, Liu Yang Yang & Wong Kun Hang | Hendery, Liu Yang Yang/Everyone, Liu Yang Yang/Na Jaemin, Liu Yang Yang/Osaki Shotaro, Liu Yang Yang/Qian Kun, Liu Yang Yang/Qian Kun/Zhong Chen Le, Liu Yang Yang/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Liu Yang Yang/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 285





	Blinded

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING just in case: Mentions of abuse. Warning for mentions of abuse and panic attacks. If this content triggers you please proceed with caution. Also, I am not an expert on anxiety and panic attacks so some of this may be incorrect.

Yangyang is many things. He’s chaotic, he’s funny, he’s a rapper, he loves teasing his band members, and he’s confident, most of the time. Looking at how he is now, it would be hard to see him as anything other than his brand of energetic/weird. However, he wasn’t always this way and he can’t always be at 100%. There are times when he’s just drained and times when his past gets the better of him. 

When he was living in Germany, he started dating this boy he really liked in school. His boyfriend was a grade above him, but they had grown close because of a dance club that they were both a part of. The two of them had become fast friends and Yangyang was sure it was meant to be when Jonas asked him out. Everything had started out great, and the two of them had been in the honeymoon phase for quite a while. Things really only started to fall apart when Yangyang started training to become an idol.

  
He started committing more of his time towards training and started seeing great progress. That’s when Jonas started to become more hostile. He hated hearing about Yangyang’s success, more specifically, he hated looking lesser. He hated that the younger had achieved so much in such little time and he hated looking and even feeling remotely inferior. His own issues manifested in him taking everything out on Yangyang. 

Yangyang remembers the first serious fight they had. Jonas had been insulting him for a while at that point, but Yangyang had just ignored it. Their first real fight had been after he had just been promoted to one of the front line positions for their dance club, and Jonas was already in a bad mood. After practice had let out and everyone had left, Jonas had ripped into him, calling him an ungrateful boyfriend, useless, and undeserving. The things he’d said had hurt, but it wasn’t anything new at that point. What was new was when Jonas had suddenly roughly pushed him to the ground. The landing hadn’t even hurt that much, the part that really cut him was the hatred in Jonas’s eyes, the way they didn’t show any remorse or love anymore.

Unfortunately, Yangyang had been too scared to say anything and was too insecure at that time to leave. He was still trying to figure himself out and become a trainee, and he thought that he needed Jonas to do both of those. There was no way he could succeed on his own, and Jonas just played into his insecurities by constantly reminding Yangyang of how he was never enough and how he was lucky to have Jonas in his life. The constant emotional abuse continued, and after the dance practice incident, so did the physical abuse. It started with just pushing when Jonas was angry at him, but then it started escalating into slapping and pulling.

Their fights became a daily occurrence but they were always one-sided. Yangyang had become so accustomed to their fights that he didn’t even react sometimes which just fueled Jonas’s anger. He would blow up and throw a fit for a good few minutes before battering Yangyang around and them storming away. It was always after practice, and always after he had turned the lights out and locked the door to make sure no one caught them. It was their little routine, and every time after the fight was over, Jonas would leave just as angry without even checking to see the damage he had caused. Every time Jonas left, he failed to see how Yangyang was pulling away and he failed to see how badly he had hurt his boyfriend.

Yangyang had been able to hide things for a long time from his mom until he had finally had enough. But by that time, it had already been 3 years and Yangyang had been terrified to say something. He had been trapped in Hell for at least two years and he was terrified that his mom wouldn’t believe him or that she would cast him away. Obviously, she hadn’t and had immediately tried to cut off any contact Yangyang had with Jonas. It hadn’t been easy, but luckily Yangyang had passed the global auditions for SM so he had decided to just move to Korea with his mom. 

He only had to deal with Jonas for two months before the two of them moved, and then he never had to see or hear from Jonas again. Unfortunately, even though he had cut off contact with Jonas, his ex had continued to plague his thoughts and life. He started having panic attacks in the two months before they moved and even after he had moved all the way to Korea. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t even in the same country as his ex, Jonas continued to haunt him. It didn’t matter that he no longer had physical signs to show for the abuse, his mind and body still remembered their fights like it was yesterday. 

His mom had enrolled him in counseling once she saw that Yangyang wasn’t improving, and that’s when he had started his slow recovery process. It had been hard balancing his trainee life with past trauma, but he had done it. Even though the work was hard and Yangyang was tired most of the time, it had been rewarding and he hadn’t been treated like garbage once. He continued to improve, and even though he never forgot, and probably will never forget what happened, he learned to cope with it. 

He slowly learned to trust other people, and he slowly learned to cope with the flashbacks to the fights he’d had, and he’d learned to cope with his panic attacks. His panic attacks haven’t gone away, but they’re definitely less frequent and he, in general, knows how to handle them. Yangyang’s proud of how far he’s come, but that doesn’t mean there’s still room for improvement and that doesn’t mean that he’s always at 100%. Yangyang had even opened up to WayV about his abusive relationship a few times. He hadn’t gone into great detail, but he knew the others got the gist and knew that they would listen if he ever wanted to share more.

Moving to Korea and becoming an SM trainee was no doubt one of the best decisions he had made. It had allowed him to have a fresh start, recover, and it had introduced him to so many amazing people whom he can fully trust and rely on. Yangyang loves being a part of WayV, he loves interacting with the NCT members, which is why when he has the opportunity to go on a variety show with the other zero line members he takes it. 

He really likes the NCT members and he would love the opportunity to get closer with some of them, especially the zero line. Being a part of the zero line team, 00600, for their field day episode was a hilarious and fun experience. Sure they didn’t win, but they had fun and it was nice to get to bond with the other members his age. 

Donghyuk’s energy was infectious and the two of them together were quite the duo, but he enjoyed getting to interact with the others too. Renjun often acted savagely, especially towards Donghyuk, but he really did care a lot and was passionate about what he was doing. Jeno was slightly intimidating at first but he was really just a softie and a funny guy. Jaemin was quiet at first but then started acting like his weird self once he was comfortable, and Shotaro was just so sweet that all of them couldn’t help but dote on him even though he was only a little younger.

That episode had brought them closer and Yangyang found himself wanting to and actually spending more time with them when he could. When one of their managers came forward and asked Yangynag if he wanted to be on a variety show with the rest of the zero line, Yangyang had immediately agreed. Apparently, people had really liked their dynamic and another branch of the company wanted to do an episode with just the six of them.

Yangyang was told that the other members had agreed as well once he had consented, and then he was quickly pushed to sign some legal forms before the shoot. They would be filming that Monday and possibly into Tuesday if they didn’t get enough content and it would take place at one of the less utilized buildings SM owned. Yangyang would be lying if he said he wasn’t slightly suspicious of that fact, but he quickly brushed it off because he was too excited.

Now, as he’s packing his things to take to the shoot, the nagging feeling returns. His gut is telling him that something is wrong but the rapper doesn’t think too much of it.  _ It’s probably just nerves and I’m freaking out over nothing, or I’m just feeling like this because of my trust issues. I can admit that I know that I’m wary of new people because of my past...but what if that’s a sign?  _ At that thought, Yangyang halts his movements and his hands still on top of his bag.  _ Am I more nervous than usual? I think so, is it because I sense that something is actually wrong or am I overthinking? Ugh, why am I like this? _

With that, Yangyang aggressively zips his bag shut and shakes his head as if that can get rid of his intrusive thoughts. He can’t afford to start the day on edge, he’ll just be setting himself up for failure. Everything is probably fine and he just needs to stop being in his head. The rapper slings his bag over his shoulder and quickly makes his way to the door to find his shoes. The more tasks he can busy himself with, the less he’ll have to think about this.

As he’s slipping on his shoes, Kun emerges from the hallway. Unfortunately, Yangyang was so busy focusing on his shoes that he didn’t hear the older boy approach. 

“Yangyang?”

The rapper jumps back, startled, and spins around to see Kun staring at him. He quickly slaps a hand over his chest to exaggerate his shock and tries to play off just how much Kun affected him.

“Ge! You can’t do that to me! What if I was in the kitchen and was holding a knife?!”

Kun rolls his eyes.

  
“Well you weren’t, and if you were in the kitchen then we’d have another problem because you can’t cook. You’d be in the middle of burning the dorm down AND cutting off your finger.”

Yangyang pouts at that and Kun laughs at his expression.

“Ok but seriously,” Kun suddenly says. Yangyang feels his anxiety spike at the statement. “Where are you going? I thought you didn’t have anything scheduled today?”

  
“Oh! I’m going to film an episode with the zero line today. It’s for one of SM’s side branches, we’re going to be filming in that building across from the dance studio that we almost never use. Not really sure what we’re doing but it should be fun.”

  
  
Kun frowns and opens his mouth to say something when Ten interrupts him. The other boy is leaning against the hallway wall watching the two of them like they’re on TV.

“Leave it to to the baby to accept going on a show without knowing anything about it.”

“Hey! I do know a little bit about it, and don’t call me baby!”

“Whatever you say...baby.”

“I hate you.”

  
Ten strolls over to the pair and reaches up to ruffle Yangyang’s hair while the other glares at him the whole time. Once he’s done he gives the younger boy a devilish smirk before gesturing towards the door.

  
  
“Don’t you have someplace to be?”

  
  
Yangyang considers hitting him but decides not to because he already knows how he’s going to exact revenge later.

“Don’t forget to text us when you’re there and when you’re done with filming!” Kun adds.

“Ok thanks mom! But I’m like ten minutes away it’s not that serious.”

“I’m not your mom!” Kun argues.

  
Ten fixes the same age boy with a judgemental stare.

“And Yangyang isn’t a baby.”

  
Before the two can launch into full-blown bickering Yangyang decides to take his leave.

“Ok bye! I’ll see you guys later!”   
And the zero liner rushes out the door before the other two can get another word in. The walk to the building is boring and cold. It’s the same walk he does nearly every day to get to the main SM building, but slightly farther and it’s cold outside. It’s a good thing he worse something semi-warm.

When Yangyang steps into the building, he instantly regrets not paying close attention to his manager. He has no clue which floor or room he’s supposed to go to. The building is plain and neat, it looks like the other SM entertainment buildings, except he doesn’t know this one well at all. The rapper spends a good few minutes just walking around trying not to look suspicious when he realizes he should just text the others. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and then swiftly opens up their group chat to send his message. He hasn’t even pocketed his phone when he hears the notification sound go off. 

It’s Shotaro, unfortunately, the other boy is also lost. Apparently, he’s wandering around the second floor. Yangyang smiles at that, at least he’s not the only one. As he’s ascending the stairs, his phone goes off again and it’s Renjun telling the entire group chat that they’re supposed to be on the third floor in room 311. The fellow zero liner can practically see Renjun’s unamused face as he typed that. 

The door suddenly opens behind him and Yangyang jumps for the second time that day.  _ Dang, I’m really jumpy today.  _ Shotaro steps onto the stairwell a second later and his face brightens up when he sees Yangyang.

“Yangyang!” 

The other boy waves up at him and Yangyang finds himself smiling back as he reciprocates the gesture.

“Hi Shotaro! I guess you got lost too?”

  
  
The other rapper smiles sheepishly and nods as he jogs up the last few steps to join Yangyang. 

“I forgot what our manager told us and just realized when I got here. I was going to text the chat earlier but it was kinda embarrassing, and then I had waited so long that you ended up texting before me.”

“It’s ok! We can go together now!”

The two of them quickly make it to the third floor and then make their way to the end of the hall where there’s a large studio. The studio takes up at least three rooms and most of the right side of the hallway so it’s easy to spot. The fact that the studio is labeled 311 also helps tell them that this is the place they’re supposed to be.

Shotaro gets to the door first and holds it open for Yangyang and waits until the other is in before entering himself. The rest of the zero line is already there and they are just hanging out in the chairs against the back wall. Donghyuk spots them first and immediately yells out to them while waving frantically. Renjun gives the other a firm shove and tells him to calm down as the two make their way over.    
“Hey, I’m glad you guys made it,” Jeno says kindly. 

“Thanks, we just got a little lost,” Yangyang explains.

“It’s fine, you’re not the only ones. I told Hyuk multiple times where we were meeting this morning and he still forgot,” Renjun sighs.

“Hey! I knew that you’d remember so I wasn’t that concerned” Donghyuk defends.

“You can’t assume that I always know stuff.”

  
“Yeah Hyuk,” Jaemin chimes in. 

  
“Why does Jaemin get to scold me too?” The vocalist whines.

  
“Because, he’s just as responsible as Renjun,” Jeno replies easily.

  
“Not sure about that but ok,” Jaemin shrugs.

The rest of them bust out laughing at Jaemin’s nonchalant tone and it helps ease Yangyang’s nerves a little bit. Their bickering provides some semblance of normal, and it’s a welcome distraction. Of course, he’s still feeling a little on edge, especially because he isn’t 100% sure what they’re doing, but it’s not as bad as earlier.

“So,” Yangyang drawls, “Does anyone know what we’re filming?”

All of them shake their heads and Yangyang frowns. 

  
“Not sure but I’m sure it’ll be fine!” Shotaro tries to comfort. 

“Yeah, you're probably right.” 

  
The rapper takes a seat next to Shotaro and the six of them launch into catching up and talking about what they could possibly be shooting. They talk about everything from shenanigans at the Dream dorm to chaos at the WayV dorm, to reminiscing about the field day episode they shot earlier. Donghyuk and Jeno are still slightly salty that they didn’t win, but they really did have fun and Yangyang started to understand that those two were more competitive than he originally thought. It’s also funny considering that Jaemin is the least competitive person Yangyang knows and he doesn't know how the other boy put up with all their chaos. They’re in the middle of debating who would win a wrestling competition between all 23 of them when one of the staff walks over to their circle.

  
She bows politely to them and they bow back just as respectfully.

“We’ll begin filming in forty minutes,” the staff worker informs them, “the hair and makeup staff are ready to prepare you all in the room across the hall” she adds.

The six of them thank her before getting up and putting the chairs back in order and then walking across the hallway to the other room. The female staff wasn’t lying, the hair and makeup staff are ready for them. The second they walk in, Yangyang sees one of them quickly grab Jaemin, and then someone latches onto his own arm to lead him over to one of the far chairs. He can tell that the others are also caught off guard and he’s feeling a little frazzled himself.

  
The makeup artist quickly seats him in front of the mirror before getting to work. She works fast, but she’s not rough, however, she’s silent the whole time. Yangyang isn’t used to not being able to talk to the staff and it’s kind of setting him on edge.  _ Does she hate me? Why is no one talking? Why is everything so awkward? Is it just me who feels the tension?  _ Yangyang tries to turn his head slightly to see how the others are doing since he’s on the end, but the makeup artist quickly scolds him for moving. The rapper feels his face flush in embarrassment and apologizes, but the staff continues working. 

The silence is literally suffocating and Yangyang thinks he’s going to go insane. To cope with the feeling he ends up pulling his phone out to scroll through, after asking the staff if he can of course. Social media is a welcome distraction and Yangyang makes sure to seem busy while the makeup artist finishes up. A couple of minutes later Yangyang just registers that the makeup staff has finished and now there’s someone else fixing his hair. He only tells that they’ve switched when he finally glances up in the mirror and sees a new person standing behind him, and then he instantly goes back to mindlessly scrolling through his phone.

  
The hairstylist is just as quiet as the makeup artist, but he’s not as intimidating. He’s more gentle too and Yangyang just gets the sense that he’s quiet because that’s part of his personality, not because he’s frustrated or tired. He finds himself relaxing, but there’s still underlying anxiety coursing through his veins. He can tell by how his heart is beating faster than normal and how his palms are clammy, but he knows it’s because he's still nervous as to what they’re filming.

A couple of minutes later, the hair artist pulls out the blowdryer to touch up a few things and complete his look. Then, he’s looked over one last time before he’s released. Yangyang tries his best not to scramble out of the room, but he really wants to get out of there. The others had finished up earlier and he’s the last one to join when he finally gets back to the studio. The other members have gathered over behind the staff and cameras across from the actual area they’ll be shooting. 

As Yangyang passes the stage, he notices seats for the six of them, the seats for the hosts, and a long table in the center of the room. None of them are helpful clues so he just shrugs it off and joins the rest of the zero line. 

“What took you so long?” Renjun asks.

“Injunnie that’s mean,” Jaemin scolds lightly.

Renjun’s face flushes and he quickly amends what he said.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You just took longer than us and we weren’t sure why.”

Yangyang laughs at the other’s reaction.

  
“It’s fine! I guess my makeup and hair artists were just slower. I wasn’t keeping track of the time since I was on my phone.”

“That’s fair.”

“Ok, but was it just me or was it super awkward back there?” Donghyuk suddenly interjects.

“No, Hyuk, only you think that.”

“Actually,” Yangyang starts, and five sets of eyes turn towards him, “I kind of agree with Donghyuk. It was super awkward.”

“Yeah I thought so too,” Shotaro adds.

“What?! Why?”

“No one was talking! It’s like they were robots! You don’t think that’s weird?” Yangyang directs at Renjun who just shrugs. 

  
“Yeah, I don’t really care what people think so I don’t pay that close attention.”

  
Yangyang both sees and hears the collective facepalm that follows. 

“Yeah you say that but we know that you actually do,” Jeno sasses back and the vocalist leans over to hit him in the arm playfully. 

Renjun is about to reply with one of his savage remarks when one of the staff suddenly approaches them out of nowhere. 

“No fighting in the studio,” he says gruffly while looking directly at Renjun.

The vocalist’s mouth is open in shock and the others aren’t much better. Yangyang feels himself tense up a bit as thoughts race through his mind.  _ Is he actually serious? Obviously, they’re just playing and there’s no way Renjun would actually challenge Jeno. Even I know they’re playing and I’ve actually been in a fight  _ Yangyang thinks. Donghyuk is the first to recover and he quickly tries to ease the tension.

“I’m sorry sir, it won’t happen again. Sorry for the inconvenience,” Donghyuk apologizes. He offers a quick bow from where he’s sitting and somehow that seems to tide the man over.

The man clicks his tongue before nodding curtly and then informs the zero liners that they’re needed on stage since filming is about to start. The second he walks away, the six of them breathe out a sigh of relief. Even though nothing happened, Yangyang still feels on edge, this is not the way he wanted to start filming. When he glances over to see Renjun and Jeno’s reactions, he just sees the two of them shaking their heads. Fortunately, they don’t seem rattled, but Yangyang kind of is. He can’t let it show though.

  
The six of them make their way past the cameras and staff to stand right at the edge of the stage to wait for more instructions. Usually, the hosts will introduce them and then they’ll walk onto the stage and do a formal introduction, so it makes sense for them to wait. Apparently, though, this branch of SM does not like to be typical. As the zero liners debate what they should, one of the hosts decides to approach them, rather boldly.

“HEY HEY! If it isn’t NCT’s zero liners!” The man shouts at them.

  
Yangyang tries not to flinch at the sheer volume of the man’s voice, and that’s saying something because he’s a pretty loud person himself. The man opens his arms wide and the first thing that crosses Yangyang’s mind is  _ I hope he doesn’t hug me. I really don’t want him to touch me. _ Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens a moment later. The man envelops Yangyang in an uncomfortably long hug and the rapper has to refrain from squirming even though he’s immensely uncomfortable. Yangyang’s skin feels tingly now, and not in a good way. He doesn’t have a problem with skinship, as long as he’s familiar with the person. What’s he’s not ok with is strangers hugging him, and especially strangers who are way too forward. 

  
Once he’s done suffocating Yangyang, the man moves on to the other members and the rapper can see how uncomfortable the others are as well. Renjun looks like he wants to throw the man off of him, Donghyuk looks irritated, Jeno and Jaemin just stand there motionless, and Shotaro looks like he wants to sink into the floor even though he still maintains his signature smile. 

Finally, the man finishes invading their personal space and starts to introduce himself. The whole time, Yangyang can’t help wondering if this is how the man actually is or if he’s just playing it up for them, either way, he doesn't like it.

“I’m one of your hosts, Kim Hajun! My partner and co-host is already on set,” Hajun points to the man sitting on the chair on the stage. “His name is Park Siwoo. We look forward to working with you all and we’ll make sure it’s a fun time! Let’s get you all on stage so we can start!”

Hajun gives them a big smile before reaching out and grabbing Shotaro’s arm to pull him towards the stage. The younger boy stumbles a bit as he wasn’t expecting to be grabbed and Yangyang feels irritation and an odd sense of protectiveness rise in him. This man needs to stop. Hajun is being way too direct and far too physical than he should. A simple handshake would have been sufficient. The other five quickly catch up with Hajun and Shotaro and Donghyuk makes sure to separate the two once they actually get on stage. He casually wraps an arm around the rapper, which isn’t unusual considering that Donghyuk is known for being clingy, and Shotaro quickly pulls his arm away from the host. 

After that, the six of them quickly take their seats on the chairs set out for them and try to seem normal. Yangyang ends up between Renjun and Jeno which makes him feel at least a little secure. He did not want to be on the end closest to the hosts. Donghyuk had taken that burden and Yangyang is grateful. Once they’re settled, one of the staff announces that the recording has begun and then Hajun launches into the intro.

“Good afternoon everyone! Thank you for tuning into today’s segment of  _ Idol Talk!  _ It’s your hosts Hajun and Siwoo back with your favorite content! Today we have some fun guests that I’m sure you guys will love! With that, let’s give a warm welcome to NCT’s zero line!!” Hajun hollars.

The cameras then pan over to catch the members’ reactions and they do their best to look excited. Yangyang thinks he does an ok job, but he’ll just have to find out later. Then, the cameras swivel back to the hosts as Siwoo explains what they’ll be doing on the show. While the other host is explaining everything, Yangyang tries to calm his nerves. His skin still feels tingly and his hands are shaky. He hides it though by gripping the sides of the chair which he knows comes off as more “cute” than anxious even if he really is.

He’s too focused on calming his heart and not feeding into his anxiety that he completely misses what they’re doing until he sees Jaemin stand up and make his way to center stage where the table is. Then Siwoo gets up and places a black hat in front of the idol. 

“Just pull out a piece of paper at random and that’ll be your challenge.”

“Ok.”

  
Jaemin carefully sticks his hand in, pulls out one of the folded pieces of paper, and flashes it to the camera before reading it himself. The five of them are on the edge of their seats, each of them trying to peer over Jaemin’s shoulder to see if they can catch a glimpse of his mission. Instead of actually verbally explaining what his mission is, Jaemin decides to just jump right into it.

They’re all slightly confused when the rapper suddenly bounds over to Yangyang and then clings onto him like a koala. Yangyang’s surprised, but not too surprised since he is kind of spontaneous himself and he just rolls with it. Jaemin proceeds to coddle him and act all cutesy, but he makes sure not to completely suffocate him which Yangyang appreciates. His aegyo is something, but Yangyang doesn’t feel too overwhelmed by it somehow. It’s exactly how he thought it’d be, cute and also cringy. He’s not necessarily uncomfortable, but his skin feels tingly and he’s not sure what to make of that. He can also see and hear the other members, excluding Shotaro, fake gagging, and punching at the air. 

“Yangie,” the other coos, and Yangyang pulls a face. “Saranghae~,” Jaemin finishes.

Not to be outdone, Yangyang pulls a cute face and looks up as best he can to repeat the phrase. He may not love aegyo, but he loves winning more.

“Saranghae!”

Just then Jaemin lets out a long breath and then gives Yangyang a quick squeeze before releasing him from the back hug.

“Mission complete!” He yells at the camera a second later.

There’s a collective groan from the rest of them as they realize what Jaemin’s mission was. He had to get Yangyang to say I love you back to him. Well, Jaemin got lucky it was him he had to do the mission with and not Renjun or Donghyuk. 

After posing for the camera, Jaemin makes his way back to the seat, and then the process continues. Renjun goes next and has to name five different songs by only hearing the first few notes. Jeno has to arm wrestle all the members and the hosts, which he wins easily. Donghyuk has to do a random play dance of SM songs, and Shotaro has to do popular TikTok and Fortnite dances. They all complete their missions flawlessly and then it’s finally Yangyang’s turn.

He’s nervous as he approaches the table with the hat and pulls out the last strip of paper. He unfolds it, shows it to the camera, and then reads it. Fate must really hate him today. His mission is to guess random objects he’s handed while blindfolded. Disappointment doesn’t quite cover what Yangyang’s even feeling. Vision is his strongest sense! Why did he have to get the blindfolded mission!

Yangyang begrudgingly looks at the camera and says “challenge accepted” before awaiting his fate. Siwoo comes up to him a second later and ties the blindfold around his head securely. 

“Can you see anything?” The host asks.

  
“No,” comes the rapper’s reply, and he really can’t. It’s pitch black.

“Ok perfect. I’ll go get the objects you have to guess.”

The only thing Yangyang can hear is rustling as Siwoo gets the objects and the snickering from the other members. He loves them all, but he really hopes they don’t mess with him too much because he’s already on edge. 

A few seconds later, he hears something heavy placed in front of him and he already cringes at the idea of having to touch it. Yangyang reluctantly stretches out a hand and jerks back the moment he feels the cool surface. He hears the hosts and the others laughing in the background and tries to tune them out. When he reaches out for a second time, he holds back his startled reaction as best he can and runs his fingers along the object.

It’s cold, so it’s possibly metal. The shape is hard to determine just feeling around it, so he’ll probably have to pick it up. Yangyang heaves out a sigh before gingerly placing the object in his hands and lifting it up. It’s got a decent weight, it’s smooth, and the edges seem to be very clean. The shape actually feels really similar to a bell. After passing the object between his hands for a few more moments, he decides to try and go for it.

The rapper points ahead of him, hoping the camera has focused on him, and shouts.

“It’s a bell!”

  
There are a few beats of silence right after his answer and Yangyang feels his heart start to race, thinking he’s guessed wrong and now looks dumb. But then, he hears the chime indicating that he’s guessed correctly and Yangyang smiles. He plays off confidence well as he tells the camera he knew the whole time, but his body is still in hyperdrive mode. He’s even more anxious because he isn’t able to see and it’s causing his other senses to pick up more than usual.

He doesn’t hear the second object being placed on the table so he just stands there, frozen, until the hosts finally tell him it’s there. He can feel his face heat up a bit knowing that he probably looks like a fool and he hears the others’ lighthearted laughing in the background. He just continues to tell himself that it’s just a show and that it’ll be over soon. When the zero liner tentatively extends his hand again, he’s met with an oddly soft and fluffy texture.

‘What  _ is  _ this?!” he wonders out loud and a chorus of laughter follows his statement.

He can specifically hear Donghyuk dying in the back and feels the sudden urge to pick up the object and throw it at him. The sentiment gives him a slight boost in confidence and he ends up just reaching out and picking up the object. The sensation immediately makes him cringe even though it’s soft.

“Ewww I don’t like this!” Yangyang whines.

“Don’t worry it’s not dangerous!” Renjun replies, amused.

“Wow, that’s soooo helpful.”

Yangyang turns the thing over a couple of times and still can’t seem to understand what it is. After a few more minutes of just mindlessly twirling the object, the others decide to try and “help.” Yangyang hears footsteps approach him and immediately tenses up. He holds the object in front of him like a sword and hears the other person laugh. It’s Donghyuk.

“Relax, I’m not trying to kill you! Here, I’ll give you a hint.”

  
  
Suddenly, Yangyang feels Donghyuk slip the object out of his hand and then he’s being tickled with it. The soft but slightly scratchy texture is being rubbed all over his neck, poked into his sides, and then dusted over his arms and face. Donghyuk is merciless as he tickles the other to death. It’s fun for the first couple of seconds, but Yangyqng quickly gets annoyed with it. It’s not that Donghyuk has never teased him before, but it’s different when Yangyang can’t see him and when his body is hypersensitive.

  
Fortunately, Donghyuk stops after he manages to get a laugh, even if it is a forced one, out of Yangyang. His fellow zero liner then places the object back in the rapper’s hands before bouncing over back to his seat.

“Did you get the hint?” Donghyuk calls from behind him.

Yangyang lets out a dramatic sigh as he runs his fingers over the material again. Then he looks in what he hopes is forward at the camera and says his answer.

  
“It’s a feather toy isn’t it?”

  
  
The chimes for a correct answer go off.

“You got it! What a cute little demonstration by Haechannie and Yangie! But Yangyang, you’ve got one last thing to guess” Hajun warns him.

The rapper feels his skin crawl at the use of his and Donghyuk’s nicknames falling from that man’s mouth. He also doesn’t like the fact that his challenge still isn’t over yet.

“Alright. Bring on the last object!”

Yangyang makes sure to look cool and relaxed, but he can feel his chest tightening in anxiety and his hands are slightly shaking now. He’s been on edge all day, this is just the last straw. He’s put up with a lot already and he just wants to see again and be done with filming. He hates not being able to see who’s approaching him, he hates being left in the dark. It makes him feel too vulnerable and like someone’s about to attack him. It puts him back into the same position he was in with his ex-boyfriend and it’s not a pleasant feeling.

He hears uneven footsteps approaching him and immediately jerks his head in the direction of the sound. Whoever it is is trying to be sneaky, but unfortunately for them, he’s hyper-aware right now. Suddenly, he hears rustling and weird whispers from behind him and how his brain is just confused. He can’t tell who’s talking and his brain is malfunctioning trying to focus on too many things. He wants to hear what they’re saying, but he wants to see what’s going on because he can hear the others moving around now. Something’s going on.

Just as he turns his body around to face the other members, he feels someone grab his shoulders and turn him back around to face the front. He’s so caught off guard that he literally just freezes in place. However, the other person keeps going and suddenly Yangyang can feel hands running across his shoulders and then down his arms. He doesn’t like it one bit.

He’s tensed up and his heart has started pumping so hard that he can feel each pulse. He can’t tell if he wants to just stay frozen or push whoever it is off of him, so he just stands there. From somewhere over to his left he hears Siwoo ask him a question. He’s not entirely sure what it was until the other man repeats it again.

“Yangyang, what object do you think you have right now?”

  
The person who’s holding him stops moving their hands and ends up just gripping Yangyang’s arm to hold him in place. It’s not painful, but the grip is firm enough that the rapper understands that he shouldn’t move. He desperately wants to cry out for help or just say something snarky to get the person off of him, but he can’t. They’re on TV and how would that make him look? How would that make SM look?

“U-um. I’m pretty sure it’s a person,” Yangyang manages to stutter out.

“Ok yeah but who?” Siwoo probes.

Yangyang grits his teeth as he feels the person wrap him in a back hug and place their head on his right shoulder. The feeling is vile and now the rapper is sure that he would rather throw this person off, especially now that he’s positive that they’re a stranger. He’s hugged the other members before, not just the zero liners, but all the members of NCT. He knows all 22 of them well enough to know when it’s one of them or a stranger, and this is not one of the NCT members.

  
The person caging him in is probably Hajun and Yangyang finds himself wildly uncomfortable and upset at this fact. He didn’t like Hajun from the start, and now he’s literally in the man’s clutches. He’s trapped, and he’s stuck in the hold of yet another person he doesn’t trust. And that’s the thought that sets him off.  With his heartbeat in his ears, adrenaline racing through his veins, and panic at its peak, Yangyang tries to tear himself away from Hajun’s grasp. When even that isn’t enough distance, the rapper reaches out blindly to try and shove anything close to him away.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!”

He vaguely registers his own voice screaming at anything and anyone to stay away. Everything’s too close, the room is too small, none of them are giving him any space. He still can’t see and he thinks he may have made contact with Hajun because he can hear some people calling his name. There are also people yelling his name, but he doesn't want them to come any closer. He doesn’t want them to hurt him.

He feels himself backing away, but then he trips and goes down hard. He hears people yelling his name again and footsteps approaching but he screams incoherent words at them. When he hears them hesitate, Yangyang quickly reaches up and rips the blindfold off of his face. He immediately flinches as the bright light floods his eyes but he makes sure to keep the other hand in front of him as a barrier to keep the others back.

He registers that his breathing is far too quick now and his body is shaking as well. He feels something wet roll down his face but that’s the least of his problems now. When his eyes adjust enough, he just makes out Renjun and Shotaro’s figures in front of him. Renjun is the closest and he has his hands up in surrender while he sits on his knees in front of Yangyang. Shotaro is hovering close behind him looking extremely worried and upset. Even though he’s in pain, the sight of the slightly younger boy makes him want to ask Shotaro what’s wrong.

When he looks slightly behind Shotaro, he sees Donghyuk talking hurriedly into a phone and Jeno and Jaemin yelling at the staff. Jaemin is shouting something along the lines of stop filming and Jeno is talking to the hosts. After he quickly assesses where the others are he quickly turns his attention back to himself and directs his gaze to the floor.

He’s getting dizzy with the way he’s breathing and he would rather not pass out when he’s in such a vulnerable state. His heart is still beating painfully in his chest and it feels a lot like he’s dying, but he knows that it’s a panic attack. He’s had them before, but that doesn’t make it any less scary. The more he tries to focus on calming his mind, the more he just keeps thinking back to the sensations of Hajun touching him, holding him, breathing down his neck. It does nothing to help the situation and Yangyang can just feel himself getting more worked up.

His vision is blurry, but he can still see Renjun and Shotaro and hear them as they try and help. Their voices sound far away like they’re in a tunnel, but at least he can hear them. Renjun has slipped into talking in Chinese and Yangyang doesn’t know why but he’s grateful. Hearing his native language is soothing, even though he can tell Renjun is scared by the shake in his voice. 

His body is still very much in flight mode, but he does his best to focus on Renjun’s voice and evening his breathing out. He keeps his eyes trained on the floor the entire time because he’s not ready to look up yet but he definitely doesn't want to close his eyes.

“You’re gonna be ok, I promise. Hyuk just called Kun-ge and Ten-ge, they should be here any minute,” Renjun soothes.

At that news, Yangyang finds himself relaxing, but only slightly. 

“You’re safe, we’re not going to let anyone hurt you,” the other boy adds.

Not that makes the zero liner pause. He tentatively raises his eyes to meet Renjun’s, who is sitting a few feet away from him with his hands now in his lap, Shotaro right next to him.

“W-what?” Yangyang manages to ask meekly.

The Chinese member looks confused for a second before realizing what Yangyang is asking.

  
  
“I said that because I know that it’s a basic technique when dealing with panic attacks, but you also-,” Renjun pauses. “...you also begged us not to hurt you again.”

“Oh.” 

The rapper really doesn’t know where to go with that information. He knows why he said it, he just didn’t realize he had blurted it in front of everyone. Before Yangyang can say anything, Shotaro speaks up.

  
“Yangyang, I know we’re not super close yet, but I want you to know that we would never hurt you,” the other boy says sincerely. His Korean is a little rough, but Yangyang gets the gist and Renjun clarifies it for him.

“Thank you,” the rapper manages to get out.

“Yangyang, from what you just said I’m guessing that something traumatic may have happened to you?” Renjun questions.

The rapper nods, but he really doesn’t want to get into it. He doesn't want to have another panic attack today. Luckily Renjun seems to sense that and reassures him that he doesn't have to say anything right now, they just need to focus on what he needs right now. 

“I just need to sit here for a few more minutes,” Yangyang explains.

“Do you want to move to a more comfortable place?”

  
  
“No! Here-here is fine. I don’t want to move.”

  
  
“Ok, that’s fine. Is there anything we can do?”

“Just stay there, and maybe just talk about something. It can be anything, I just need something not horrible to focus on for a few minutes.”

  
  
“I can do that!”

Yangyang tries his best to Renjun’s rambling about his Moomin drawings, how the other Dream members are doing, and the other boy’s supportive encouragement as he tries to even out his breathing. It’s not nearly as bad as earlier, but it still isn’t normal and his heart still feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest. At some point, the others start approaching them and Yangyang feels himself recoil despite himself.

The other zero liners immediately stop and make sure to give him enough space before crouching or sitting down in front of him. Yangyang does trust them, but his body doesn’t at the moment. The others dismiss his apology though and tell him none of this is his fault. At some point, he hears the door slam open and he flinches at that sound too, but then Kun and Ten are suddenly falling in front of him looking like worried parents.

“Baby are you ok?” Ten asks in Chinese.

The use of the common nickname Ten uses for him just sets him off again. His panic attack has ended, but now he’s just left with raw emotions. His vision becomes blurry again and he feels his chest and throat tighten. He hates crying in front of other people, even those he trusts. He may act like a brat and a baby all the time, but he really has a hard time letting people see him when he’s down. He hates looking weak because the last time someone saw this vulnerable, they took advantage of him.

Ten gently grabs his cheeks and tries to get the younger boy to look at him but he refuses. The rapper jumps at the contact and shakes his head to get Ten to let go before scooching back out of reach. Ten is both saddened and confused by the reaction. Yangyang usually doesn’t have this hard of a time with his panic attacks, they can usually touch him so something pretty bad must have happened. 

The older boy reluctantly sits back and they all just have to settle for telling Yangyang comforting words. It’s heartbreaking to see. The zero liner is struggling to take in even breaths because he’s desperately trying not to cry out loud. Ten would even prefer wailing over Yangyang’s silent suffering. He’s continuously swiping at his eyes and his chest is moving erratically with suppressed cries. The fact that he isn’t really responding to their words is also quite concerning, Ten can’t tell if he’s working himself into another panic attack or if he’s just inconsolable right now.

Fortunately, Yangyang only cries for a few minutes and afterward he lets out multiple, deep shaky breaths. He’s still not looking at them and he’s still pretty shaken up, but he’s not hyperventilating. 

“Yangie?” Kun questions quietly.

The rapper slowly moves his gaze from the floor up to Kun’s face. He looks exhausted, but there’s also another look in his eyes that Kun can’t decipher. He’s helped Yangyang with his panic attacks before, but this one is different. The oldest boy then looks around him and sees the tense and worried faces of the other zero liners and decides to just make a commanding decision.

“Ok, here’s the plan,” Kun starts. He makes sure to be firm but also gentle. “You all are going to get all of your things and Yangyang’s, and then we’re all going to walk back to the dorm. Ten will help Yangyang up when he’s ready,” the vocalist adds at the last minute.

The WAYV leader is met with a lot of reluctant gazes a second later but he reassures them everything will be ok.

“What about filming?” Jeno asks. “Not that I want to continue, but what are we going to do if we leave right in the middle?”

  
  
“Oh don’t worry about that,” Ten suddenly cuts in cooly. “We’ll handle it.”

With that, Kun sends them off again to go gather their things. Once the three of them are left, Kun lays a hand on Ten’s shoulder and waits until the other boy makes eye contact with him.

“I’m going to go “talk” to the hosts. I’ll be right back. You help Yangyang.”

“Got it.”

Then, Kun slowly rises to his feet and makes his way over to where the hosts are awkwardly hovering by the stage. Ten turns his gaze back to Yangyang and gently calls his name again. This time, Yangyang actually makes eye contact with him, and he looks absolutely drained. 

“How are you feeling?” Ten starts.

Yangyang lets out a sigh and adjusts his position so he’s no longer curled up. 

“I feel like I’ve just run a marathon. I just want to go home.

  
“Ok. We can do that. The others are getting their things and yours and then we’re going to go. How does that sound?”

  
  
“Good. But what are we going to do about the show?”

  
  
“I told the others this too, but you guys don’t need to worry about that. We’ll take care of it.”

Yangyang narrows his eyes at that statement and then smirks.

“Why do you look like you’re plotting a murder?”

  
  
“Because they hurt you and no one’s about to get away with messing with you or the other babies!”

  
  
“Wait what’s wrong with the others?”   
  
“They’re ok, Donghyuk just told us the hosts were being way too touchy and weird. Apparently, they were trying to help you when you were starting to panic, but the hosts were being rude about it and told them not to do anything. They pushed them away and were being jerks, anyway the point is that they’re about to be in major trouble for messing with all six of you.”

  
  
“Oh.”   


  
“So, let’s get out of here and never ever see these people again. Sound good?”

  
  
The bite in Ten’s tone is both amusing and also nice to hear. He knows it’s because Ten cares.

“Yeah I’m ready to go. Help me up.”

  
  
Ten waits for Yangyang to make the first move before he even initiates contact. Even then, he makes sure to double-check with the younger boy that touch is ok. Within five minutes, the eight of them have gathered everything and are out the door. Ten and Kun make sure to stick by Yangyang’s side the entire time and offer encouraging words.

When they arrive at the dorms, Yangyang is on the verge of collapsing. He can tell that the other zero liner members want to stay with him and that they’re worried, but he’s also so tired. He doesn’t know if he has the energy to answer any questions. Fortunately, Renjun ends up solving his inner dilemma.

“Hey Yangyang, get some rest. We’ll see you later?” The other boy ends with a question.

“Yeah. I’ll try and you’ll text me when?”

  
  
“Of course!”

Then, the other zero liners part ways with Yangyang and the WAYV members head over to their own dorm. The walk is silent, but not awkward. Yangyang just doesn’t have the energy to talk, he can barely keep his eyes open right now. The second Kun opens the door to their apartment, Yangyang toes his shoes off and books it to his room without sparing a glance at any of the other members.

“Yangyang!” Kun tries to call after him, but he’s already gone.

“Let him go, he probably wants to be alone right now,” Ten says.

Kun frowns at that but knows that Ten’s probably right. Xiaojun, Hendery, and Lucas are staring at them from the dining table where they were having lunch. Xiaojun is still working on his sandwich, but the other two are still there keeping him company. Once Ten and Kun finish taking off their shoes and hanging up their coats, they join the other three at the table.

Xiaojun opens his mouth to say something but Kun beats him to it.

  
  
“Where’s WinWin?”

“Sleeping. He said he was tired and then he went to go take a nap after we finished lunch,” Lucas explains.

“What’s wrong with Yangyang?” Hendery asks bluntly.

_ So direct. Of course, they want to know what’s wrong though.  _ Kun sighs as he tries to formulate an answer.

“Long story short, Yangyang had a panic attack and he ended filming early,” the leader settles with.

The other three’s faces go quickly from shock to concern to anger.

“What happened? Yangie isn’t acting like he normally does after an attack, and I know he hasn’t had one in a while. He’s usually good at managing his symptoms so something must have happened,” Xiaojun deduces quickly.

“Donghyuk texted me some of what happened. Apparently, each of them had to do a mission and Yangyang got a blindfolded one,” Ten explains.

The others’ eyes go wide at that.

  
“But Yangyang hates not being able to see. He’s told us it’s because it makes him feel trapped,” Hendery protests sadly.

Lucas’s eyes are stormy as he suddenly speaks up.

“There’s something more isn’t there? Yes, Yangyang doesn’t like the dark, but he hasn’t had a panic attack from just that in a while. There was something else that pushed him over the edge.”

  
  
Ten’s frown deepens and he’s silent for a few seconds before speaking.

“Listen, Kun and I are handling it. But yes, the hosts were pushing him too far. Donghyuk told me that they were being too forward with them from the start and that multiple things happened, but things went downhill once one of the hosts decided to give Yangyang a back hug. The others could tell that he was uncomfortable and the longer the host held on the more Yangyang started to struggle. Then Yangyang pushed him off and the others tried to help calm the situation because he was having a full-blown panic attack. Then Kun and I arrived after Donghyuk texted us.”

The room is silent after Ten is done talking. The others are in disbelief as they soak in what their hyung just told him. After that, Kun and Ten spend a good few minutes trying to calm them down and discouraging them from rioting and taking vengeance on the filming studio. They’re handling it and they really need the others to be calm for Yangyang. At some point, WinWin wakes up in the middle of their arguing and they have to fill the other in.

WinWin looks just as upset as the others once he hears what happened and goes to try and find Yangyang, but they have to stop him. Kun has never seen WinWin look so mad before, especially at him. Winwin looks ready to fight Kun for Yangyang but then he eventually gives in once Ten explains that the other boy needs rest and expressed that he wanted to be alone for a while.

The best they can do right now is give Yangyang the space and rest he needs. Then, they can be there to support him when he needs them.

* * *

When Yangyang wakes up, he feels kind of fuzzy but also rested. He needed that nap. The rapper rolls over to face the middle of the room and finds his coat crumpled on the ground. _ Oh yeah.  _ The last thing he remembers is arriving home, throwing off his coat, and then collapsing onto this bed. Having a panic attack, especially such a bad one really took the energy out of him. Yangyang slowly stretches and prepares himself mentally for the questions he’s going to be asked. He can hear the others “whispering,” which really isn’t quiet at all, in the living room.

Although he knows Kun and Ten probably filled them in, he knows the others are going to be curious about what happened and if he’s ok. Honestly, he’s still not 100%, but he does feel a lot better. Yangyang quickly fixes his hair and then exits the room before he can second guess himself. If he lingers too long then he’ll chicken out.

The other members are watching some cooking show when he finally emerges and Yangyang finds himself smiling at that. It’s funny that they’re watching a cooking show when 90% of them would probably set the dorm on fire if they tried. Xiaojun, who’s on the end of the sofa, sees him first and calls out to him.

“Yangyang!” The other boy yells cheerfully, and that gets the attention of the other members.

The others smile as he makes his way to Xiaojun and then takes the seat between him and Hendery. Their legs are touching, but it isn’t too much contact and the rapper finds himself not reacting at all. 

“How are you feeling?” Kun asks from Ten’s lap.

Yangyang shrugs.

“Not one hundred percent, but better. Definitely better than earlier now that I’ve had a nap.”

  
  
“Ok good,” Kun replies happily and Yangyang doesn’t miss the fond look the leader shoots him.

“Oh, by the way, you left your phone up here and you’ve been getting a lot of texts from the other zeros,” Hendery adds as he hands Yangyang his phone.

“Oh, thanks.”   
  
When the younger boy turns on his screen he’s met with at least fifty texts and sighs. He knows they’re just worried though so he quickly opens up his phone and finds their group chat.

**Fullsun**

Yooo Yangyang! Hope you got some rest! Anyway, we wanted to come by and check on you some time so let us know when you’re free! :) :) :) :) :) :) :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

**Shoulder_gangster**

Hyuk stop using so many smiley faces

**Fullsun**

Y?   
**Shoulder_gangster**

Cuz it’s annyong just like ur face

**Fullsun**

U would know

**Nana**

Stop blowing up my phone the only thing you needed to send was the message to Yangyang

**Shoulder_gangster**

He started it

**Fullsun**

He started it

**Fullsun**

Jinx

**Soulder_gangster**

Nope I refuse

**Fullsun**

U can’t do that

**Shoulder_gangster**

I just did

**Nojam**

Seriously guys cut it out you’re both equally annoying

**Taro Milk Tea**

Maybe we should hold back a bit??? Yangyang’s probably still asleep

**Fullsun**

Yeah! Geez Injun! Ur gonna wake him up

**Shoulder_gangster**

I’m not even going to grace that with a reply

**Fullsun**

But u just did???????

  
**Nana**

I’m coming into your room to confiscate ur phones if u guys don’t stop

**Shoulder_gangster**

Stop

**Fullsun**

Baby 

**Shoulder_gangster** **  
**

Don’t 

**Taro Milk tea**

Stop

**Nana**

:/

**Nojam**

Taro don’t encourage him

**Nana**

I’m leaving

After that, the texts are mostly nonsense, but they make Yangyang laugh.

“What are you snickering at?” Xiaojun asks as he leans over to peer at Yangyang’s screen.

  
“Just our group chat. It’s kinda crazy, but they want to meet up and see how I’m doing.”

“Are you ok with that?”

“Yeah. I’m up to it. I think I’m gonna go over there and talk to them.”

  
  
“Right now?” Hendery whines from his right. “But we wanted to spend time with you~,” the other boy pouts.

“You see me all the time!” Yangyang laughs as he stands up to find his shoes and collect his jacket from his room.

When he returns, Yangyang finds not just Hendery, but also the other members pouting up at him. It’s sweet though. The zero liner sighs as he approaches the group and then attempts to placate them.

  
“Listen, I’ll be back soon I promise! I’ll be ok. Once I’m back we can spend the night just hanging out, but I need to clear some things up. I need to explain why…” he suddenly trails off and averts his eyes to the ground as he tries to compose himself.

“Yangie, you know you don’t have to feel obligated to explain yourself to anyone right?” Ten says firmly from the chair.

“I know, but I want to. I want to tell them,” Yangyang says evenly.

“Ok. Well, text us if you need anything!” 

  
Yangyang has to fight the urge to call Kun mom again but he doesn’t. He’ll let it slide this once. Winwin makes sure Yangyang is comfortable with a hug before giving him one and then the younger boy sets off. Their dorm is just across the street from the Dream dorm so it’s easy for him to just pop over there, though he should probably warn them that he’s coming.

**SheepSheep**

Hey I’m coming over rn!

**Taro Milk Tea**

Yay! :D 

**Fullsun**

Wait like now now???

**Shoulder_gangster**

I thought we were coming to u

**SheepSheep**

I changed my mind and I’m almost there anyway sooooooo

**Nana**

YY!!! We need more warning!

**Nojam**

It’s fine the door’s unlocked anyway

**Shoulder_gangster**

What y? R u trying to get us killed?

**Nojam**

Jisung went out to get a soda from the vending machine on the other floor

**Shoulder_gagnster**

I don’t see the problem???

**Nana**

We’re not locking our child out

**SheepSheep**

Oh I ran into him! We’re coming up

**Shoulder_gangster**

Damn it

Jisung jumped back like three feet when Yangyang called out his name. He hadn’t meant to scare the other, he had really tried to make his presence known but it didn’t work. He had apologized for startling the maknae, told him he was visiting the other zeros, and then the two of them had headed up the room together.

The others are all crammed into the kitchen when the two of them arrive, even Sungchan is there. Sungchan and Chenle look surprised to see him, but they roll with it and seem excited that they have a visitor.

“Yangyang hyung! What are you doing here?” Chenle asks.

“Ummm just here to talk about how the filming went today,” the other answers in what he hopes isn’t an awkward way.

“Oh ok!” Then Chenle is off to bother Renjun who is digging through the fridge.

“Yangyang,” a soft voice suddenly says.

Yangyang looks to his right and sees Shotaro looking at him from his seat on one of the bar stools. The rapper moves closer so he can hear him, and also because he gets the sense that Shotaro wants to ask him something just meant for him.

“Are you ok with the others being here?”   
  


“Yeah, yeah it’s fine. I mean I trust all of you and it wouldn’t hurt to have more people know how I get sometimes.”   
  


Shotaro gives him a confused look at that.

“Don’t worry! I’ll explain, and thanks for asking,” Yangyang replies instead sincerely.

  
  
The Japanese boy smiles kindly at him and then gestures for Yangyang to sit next to him on the empty stool. The two of them watch the others bicker for a few more minutes and get their snacks before Yangyang even says anything. Then, all nine of them migrate to the dining room because Jaemin scolds them all when they try and take the food to the living room.

Someone brings Yangyang a chocolate bar to eat once they realize he doesn’t have anything. Their snack time ends up being pretty chaotic, but there are nine of them so it’ to be expected. Yangyang’s just finished his candy when Donghyuk suddenly directs a question at him.

“Yangyang, how are you feeling?”

  
  
“Oh, um much better.”

  
  
When his same-age friends narrow their eyes at him he quickly tries to reassure them.

  
“Honestly! I mean obviously, I’m not feeling amazing but I am feeling better.”

  
  
“D-did something happen?” Jisung interjects.

Chenle promptly hits his friend in the arm and gives him the “look.”

“What?!”

“It’s fine,” Yangyang laughs. “I mean what happened wasn’t fine but it’s ok if you ask. I’m going to talk about it anyway.”

  
  
“Oh ok.”

  
  
“Yangyang, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Jeno says calmly from across him.

“I want to. I’ve already decided that I want to but I guess I better start now before I psyche myself out.”

“Ok, take your time,” Renjun supports.

  
  
If he’s being honest, Yangyang is extremely nervous. Of course, he trusts all of them, but actually saying it out loud and in front of eight other people is kind of intimidating. He’s going to do it though, he wants to and he’s already committed so there’s no turning back now.

“Ok, so basically used to be in this “relationship” back in Germany. My boyfriend was nice and everything was good for a little bit, but then things changed after I started becoming more successful and started training to be an idol. Anyway, he was abusive. Most things he did were verbal, but sometimes he did get physical and he would corner me after dance practice when he was sure it was just the two of us.”

  
  
Yangyang tries not to focus too much on their horrified reactions.

  
“I broke up with him, well sort of, and then moved to Korea to train under SM. But I still suffer from panic attacks and stuff like that because of him, so that’s why I freaked out during filming today. I’m s-,”

  
“You better not be about to say sorry,” Renjun scolds. He quickly relaxes though once he sees Yangyang’s scared expression. “Sorry. That did not come out right. I meant that you have nothing to apologize for. None of this is your fault.”

  
  
“Injunnie’s right. None of this was your fault. We all thought the hosts were being too pushy today. Also, your ex is the worst,” Donghyuk agrees.

“Yeah. And thanks for trusting us with this!” Shotaro pipes up. “I’m glad you felt like you could talk to us.”

  
“And don’t hesitate to let us know if you need anything, on or off-screen,”Jaemin says.

“Thanks guys! I mean I figured you all would be ok with it, but it’s still kinda hard to talk about. I’ve gotten better at explaining it but it’s still kind of a struggle.”

“Well I’m glad you told us!” Chenle beams. “I mean I don’t really know what happened but I’m still here for you!”

  
  
“Same!” Jisung and Sungchan agree.

Their reactions are so pure that Yangyang can’t help the smile that breaks onto his face. They don’t even really know what happened yet they’re still rooting for him. It’s nice. He really didn’t have anything to worry about. Of course, he trusted all of them, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t nervous about telling them about his past. Trusting people may still be hard, but he can do it, especially if it means more support.

“Well, that’s really the only thing I had on my mind. Thank you guys for listening though. I should get back, the others wanted to hang out once I talked to you guys,” Yangyang explains.

“What?! No fair! What if we wanted to hang out with you,” Chenle whines.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize you wanted to,” Yangyang trails off.

Chenle and Sungchan pull their best sad puppy dog eyes and Yangyang knows he’s done for. Not even Kun can resist Chenle’s sad eyes. With a dramatic sigh and a quick glance around the room, the rapper decides to just go with his gut, plus, he knows Kun can’t resist him either.

“Alright~,” he sings. “I guess you all can come over. I know Kun has a weak spot for the younger members anyway.” 

“YES!” Comes the collective reply.

The nine of them quickly scramble to throw away their trash and gather all their things to head over to the WAYV dorm. It probably takes more time than necessary since they all mess around, but it’s fun and helps lift Yangyang’s mood. And when all nine of them spontaneously show up thirty minutes later, Kun can’t even deny them once he sees Yangyang’s hopeful face. The leader can only sigh as the others flood in since he knows their dorm is about to be in chaos within a minute. 

  
Even though it is quite noisy and they do make a mess, it’s worth it. Yangyang is happy under all the attention and support, as he should be, and it brings them all closer. Yangyang’s circle is expanding and even though he may still get panic attacks, he doesn’t have to deal with them alone. And if the filming studio who decided to mess with the zero line ends up with a “personal” visit from their hyungs, well, Kun and Ten wouldn’t know anything about that.   
  



End file.
